I have struggled with depression since I was about 10 years old. I have had thoughts of suicide since I was about 12. I had fits of rage. I'd sleep 12 hours a day and spend most of the remaining 12 locked in a fantasy world fueled by TV, books or my on rapidly deteriorating imagination.
When I became a Christian, I though that all of that would end....immediately. And when it didn't I doubted my salvation and questioned whether I was too far gone to be forgiven.
I think Christians should have a mentor for the first year. A sponsor if you will. Someone to tell you what to expect. Someone to call when the demons attack (and they attack bad starting the moment you get out of the water).
So. I'm a Christian but I'm so depressed that I can barely function. I'm still angry. I don't behave like a Christian. I'm trying to please everyone and I am failing.
I try therapy. But I'm a people pleaser and although I initiate the therapy, I am not honest. I understate all my feelings trying to please the therapist. But I begin taking antidepressants. They help.
There are some Christians that believe that if I pray hard enough and with enough faith, I would be healed. They believe that using outside help shows a lack of faith. I would suspect that these Christians have never experienced debilitating depression, anxiety, schizophrenia or other psychiatric illness or addiction.
This is what I believe. Based on the scripture above, Jesus would suggest that we should destroy a part of our body that God gave us in order to preserve our soul.
Here's a joke..
The flood was
coming and word was sent to evacuate. One farmer sat on his porch and told the
rescue team. "I'm waiting for God, He'll save me." Soon the water rose and the
farmer was forced to the second story of his house. The rescue boat came but he
told them. "I'm waiting for God He'll save me." Soon the farmer was forced to
the top of his roof. The rescue helicopter came but he told them. "I'm waiting
for God, He'll save me." The water rose and the farmer drowned. On his arrival
in heaven he asked God, "Why didn't you save me? I waited for you but you never
came." God replied. "I came three times."
Sometimes God uses natural laws and humans to achieve his supernatural purposes. This does not minimize or exclude the existence of supernatural healing.
Psychiatric drugs can be an aid but only Jesus is the answer.
Jesus knows our heart and if our heart loves and seeks to please Him, He knows it.
When we get our resurrected bodies we won't have to worry about physical or mental limitations anymore.
It was brought to my attention that my picture and scripture might be viewed as referring to depression as a sin.--see my reply below.
ReplyDeleteYikes. I certainly didn't mean that. It's more like the behavior that it sometimes leads to. Sometimes the pain of depression causes us to use drugs and alcohol to feel normal or find oblivion. I would check out into a book or sleep and not be the mother I should have been. In my depression, I did not glorify God. It was so dark I couldn't see God. I was not fit for service to the kingdom. I did not show God to my children even though I was going through the motions of going to church. Recovery from my depression is working on all the behavior issues (the real sin of the matter). I hope this helps. Feel free to comment again if it doesn't.